Isn’t that one of the most powerful quotes you have ever read?

Most people find that the gravity of a mistake, insult or an injury determines how soon or how long it will be before they can forgive. Oftentimes, a serious wrongdoing will remain not only in your memory, but also in your heart and every nerve and fiber in your body.But it is precisely this emotional attachment that prevents you from moving on to a better life.

To illustrate the power of letting go, I am reminded of an experiment devised by some scientists when managing to capture a rare species of monkeys. The scientists devised a trap using bottles with narrow necks that contained some nuts.

As expected, the monkeys reached into the bottles to get the nuts but their clenched fists prevented them from withdrawing their hands, effectively trapping them. The monkeys’ refusal to let go kept them trapped. Similarly, humans who are unable to forgive refuse to let go of the past, prevent themselves from moving on to better things.

Clinging to a past mistake uses up so much of your energy when there is nothing you can do to change what has happened. Successful people also make mistakes but the difference lies in how they focus on the future, not on the past. It is best expressed like this “You cannot drive forward while looking in the rear view mirror.”

I understand that people may find it hard to forgive because the memory of a past transgression can constantly refresh the pain and negativity that accompanied a mistake or failure.

While you may not forget things, I want to encourage you to rise above a mistake or failure by choosing to forgive. Remembering the past may come from the mind, but forgiving the past must come from the heart. It may take some strength to forgive others, but it can only happen if you exercise that choice.

Forgiveness does not only apply to others who may have wronged you. If you have been in a rut for quite some time and can’t seem to get out of it, chances are that you are holding on to a personal failure and wallowing in bitterness, regret or self pity.

Having gone through moments of bitterness as well, I know that it was in forgiving myself and others that I was able to truly move on. We may not be able to erase our past, but we can chose to get up again and start a new direction with a clean slate by forgiving ourselves and others.

Tags: financial freedom, millionare, mindset, Pat Mesiti

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 8th, 2009 at 5:05 pm and is filed under Millionaire Mindset, Pat Mesiti.
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You don’t have to look very far to find information on how to be a millionaire, or how to earn money so you can be a millionaire. There are many self-proclaimed experts out there and they all have their list of things you need to do to become a millionaire. But most of them only barely scratch the surface.

Being a millionaire and making money (even making millions) can be two very different things. Anyone can actually make money, with the right information, products, technical know how and a market, they can make money. But that is a short term thing. That only involves the basic factual elements of making money that it takes to be a millionaire.

Did you know there are several other things required to be a millionaire?

Probably not. Most people don’t teach you these things.

What you need to BE a millionaire ( and not just be a person who makes money) is to be the kind of person that knows how to handle a lot of money. Not just spend a lot of money, but manage it. Be honest with yourself. You’re inclined to think you are good with money management, but are you really? If not, it isn’t hard to learn to be. But if you don’t learn it before you have the money, the money could very well slip right through your fingers faster than it came into your hand.

People don’t generally want to hear something like that and that is why it isn’t used as a selling point. Are you willing to be told what you DON’T want to hear? Are you willing to hear some tougher things, to make this real for you?

There are so many stories of people who make a fortune and end up broke. There is an equal number of stories about people who win a fortune and end up broke also. So, getting money, whether by winning it or making it, is not a sure fire way to becoming a millionaire.

If you want to be a millionaire, than you need to make the process of making money, having money and investing money an integral part of who you are. You also need to know the things about yourself that pose the greatest risk to you NOT becoming a millionaire…what are the habits of a millionaire, do you have the same ones? if not, you need to develop them.

As you overcome the obstacles to becoming a millionaire, you change and your experiences change and  you develop real knowledge and skill. The great thing is, no one can take that away from you. And if you happen to make a million and you lose it, you will know precisely how to make another million all over again. Because making millions becomes a part of who you are, not just something you do.

By looking at me now, you may think that life was always sweet and easy. After all, I guess you could say I am living the life that most people dream of. As a motivational speaker though, I do draw inspiration from referring to my personal life to illustrate some of the lessons I imparts to my audience. For those of you who have heard me talk, you know life has not always been ‘rosy’ for Pat Mesiti.

Most people do not take failure very well. When things do not go as planned, their world stops or they simply stop functioning. But I want people to know that failure is not a permanent condition. It comes and goes depending on how you deal with it. A few years ago, I faced a major crisis. Fast forward to today, I have built upon very personal challenges and built success. I only share these stories to say “hey, I have been there, I know how tough it can be, stay strong and keep going, you can build on this”

Use failure as a tool to rebuild

When dealing with failure, you have two choices: to wallow in self pity and misery or to get up and find ways to rise above your situation. You have to pick yourself up when you hit rock bottom because failure should not kill dreams or end goals!

Sometimes, we have to hit rock bottom first before we can bounce back in life. The pain of failure can be a great motivator for future success.

Learn from your failures

There is always a lesson to be learned from a failure. Oftentimes, failure occurs because of something that you keep doing wrongly. While failure may be a part of life, it is meant to teach you that something does not work. Determine what you did wrong and avoid making the same mistake or risk failure once again.

Take concrete action to correct your mistake

As the old saying goes, “The man who does not correct a mistake is making a bigger mistake.” It is not enough to know where you went wrong and accept failure. If a mistake can still be rectified, then by all means, do your best to fix it. Your failure may have hurt someone or some people. Saying that you are sorry and making amends can pave the way for moving beyond your failure.

The last thing I want to say about failure, is that I know people tend to isolate themselves when dealing with a big setback in life. While being alone is one way to recoup from a serious mistake or loss and may be important for a while, surrounding yourself with supportive family and friends as well as having an inspiration to succeed will shorten your recovery time!

Here’s why:

Negativity cripples growth.

You can’t reach your goal while thinking that it can’t be done. When you are convinced that there is no way for you to succeed, your mind prevents you from doing what you can and from seeing it through. Even the tiniest doubt can lead you to abandon your goals when you encounter difficulties along the way. As a result, you may find yourself in the same position after a period of time shall have lapsed, “stinking” like stagnant water.

Negativity makes excuses rather than opportunity.

A negative thinker runs away from an opportunity while a positive thinker seizes it. A person with a negative mindset feels inadequate and uncomfortable with moving forward while a dreamer is filled with excitement for what is to become of him. To relieve his anxiety, the negative thinker rationalises with himself never realising that the probabilities of success and failure in every situation are equal. You either succeed or you don’t.

Negativity builds doubt rather than faith.

A dreamer may also experience moments of doubt particularly when the going gets tough. Don’t let doubt feed your negative thinking. You need to catch yourself as you begin to get that sinking feeling and replace negative thoughts with more positive scenarios. Use the analogy of a clock, wind up your mind daily with good thoughts to keep it running well.

“Success is not built on the negative voice of doubt but on a foundation of faith.” – Pat Mesiti

Negativity can exist in your own mind or it can come from the attitude of people around you. Ignore criticism but be open to suggestion. Avoid people who cannot seem to find the good in anything as negativity can be contagious. As you work your way to a goal, obstacles may arise and can usher in negative thoughts.

To help you get a positive mindset, look at the situation just as you would view a photograph’s negative in reverse. Highlight the positive aspects, believe that setbacks are temporary and get on with your goal.

Successful people have great focus. They know what their strengths are and choose to do only what they’re good at. Often times, trying to do too many things, or spreading yourself too thin, will lead to you being less effective and in turn, less successful.

There was a time when I ran 6 organisations and sat on all of their boards along with juggling other activities. I freely admit that I was doing too much and spreading myself too thin – I lost focus and couldn’t maintain the necessary level of intensity, an intensity that only comes through focus…….eventually I learned from my mistake and I hope you can too.

Focus for strength

Your busy lifestyle may mean doing several things at the same time. While multi tasking may eventually help you get things done, you may notice that your strength is sapped at the end of the day, making it difficult for you to enjoy life outside of work or your business. On the other hand, doing things a step at a time enables you to focus clearly on any endeavor, resulting in better outcomes while leaving you enough energy to enjoy life after work.

Focus for better quality

A day only has so many hours for you to spend doing a limited number of activities. This includes enough time for sleeping, eating, bathing and other personal necessities. People who try to do too much in one day end up doing things haphazardly as they rush to meet their schedules. When the quality of your work or output suffers, you end up doing things all over again. What is more important than getting so many things done is doing things the right way and at the first shot.

Focus on being good at selected things, not everything

There are a few rare exceptions, but most of us can rarely excel at everything we put our hand to. Additionally, we should look to bringing into our lives, things which enhance us and move us in the direction we want to go. Chopping and changing all the time, chasing the ‘next best thing’ will burn you out, unless you know where you want to go and have the focus and determination to get there.

Warren Buffet became the worlds most successful stock market investor, because amongst many qualities he has focus – he knows what sort of stock he is looking for and when he sees it, he buys it. Look at Rupert Murdoch as another example – he has built his vast empire by only buying into businesses which help him develop his core media business.

Tips for better focus

Review what’s in your life right now. Ask yourself what your priorities are and trim those activities that do not help you reach your goals. Don’t take on more than you can handle. When you prune some things out of your long list of things to do, you will experience more success life.

Most importantly, ask yourself, are you getting what you want out of life? If you are not getting what you want, what are you doing? your outcomes are the direct decendants of your actions and your actions are the result of your mindset!

If you are not getting what you want, go back to the drawing board, review your life, set some objectives and goals, then direct your focus at achieving them…remember, you can not keep your focus on achieving that which you do not desire, or that which does not bring you joy.

“The company we keep can make or break us.” – Pat Mesiti

Here are my tips for creating meaningful relationships:

Find good role models in all areas of your life.

You may not know how to become prosperous in your life but you may know of people who are successful in their careers, businesses, and families. Connect with these people who are good in what you want to do. Learn their methods and apply these principles to your life.

Choose the company you keep wisely.

The people who you are regularly exposed to can influence the way you think, talk and act. Notice how you feel weighed down after hanging around negative people. On the other hand, you can become successful if you spend more time with people who are achievers in their respective fields.

Stretch your comfort zone to reach a higher level of association.

Success can entail moving upward in the level of your associations. The thought of changing your environment slightly may intimidate you and prevent you from moving outside your comfort zone. New associations bring new experiences that may seem uncomfortable at the onset. While your new relationships may take some getting used to, you should still keep an open mind and allow yourself to flow with the opportunities that come with your new friendship.

Identify and build meaningful associations only with special types of people. These include the people you look up to such as mentors and role models, peers with whom you can interact and discuss deep issues with as well as people you can lead.

If you lack any meaningful association right now, get close to people who can have a positive effect in your life and to build your connection with them. Conversely, you should avoid paying too much attention to people who are constantly whining about their lives.

Remember, your associations become your assimilations!

Many people avoid asking for what they want so that they end up dissatisfied with what they get.

This attitude may arise from a negative mindset that asking for what you want is being pushy or aggressive. Others don’t ask for what they want out of fear of rejection or simply because they don’t know what it is that they truly want. The one way to really get what you want is to know what you want and ask for it.

Take time to think through what you really want

Most of us go through life thinking that we know what we want only to reject it because it’s not what we desire after all. Sometimes, we look for the things that we don’t want because we are taught what we should want by our parents, our teachers and friends.

Children tend to follow in a parent’s footsteps by being in the same profession that they may one day end up not practising because they are unhappy in their chosen field. As teenagers, how many times did we end up wearing outrageous styles only because our friends thought they were cool? You may do as they suggest but you may find yourself unhappy in the end.

Ask yourself what you really want, not just what others want for you.

Articulate what you want

Once you decide what it is that you want, you should be able to articulate it. Expressing what you want helps you discover the steps you need to take to reach it. Once you set your goal, you can then plan around it before taking concrete action. Furthermore, other people may help you reach your goal if you let them know what you want.

Aim for what you want

Avoid going through life mindlessly. Stick to your plan and remind yourself occasionally of what you want if you find yourself lacking focus. An archer’s eyes are fixed on the target in order to hit it; otherwise, he will surely miss it. Similarly, setting your eyes on your goals helps you to achieve them.

Use a focus sheet! U Get a blank sheet of paper to draw how you would like your life to look like, complete with the people you want in it. The picture you draw should give you an idea of what you want. Knowing what you want will help you see past the distractions until you reach your ultimate goal.

I want to encourage you to have a vision!

Having a vision allows you to have a meaningful life. It can come as a goal, a direction, a motivation or a purpose. A vision is essential to life because it is what makes you feel good while doing ordinary routines and it will sustain you as life’s trials come your way.

What does vision do for you?

Vision is the driving force that pushes you to get up and work hard to achieve things. Vision is what fuels your motivation,because when difficulties arise, which they surely will, your vision will encourage you to carry one. You lack motivation when you don’t have a vision of where you want to get to.

When you have a vision, you know where you want to be and how to get there instead of wandering aimlessly. Your actions all point to a particular result. To achieve your goals, set your course, set your direction and persue your vision.

There is no such thing as emotionless vision. Both go together to make even the most ordinary routine feel good. As your vision becomes clearer, your emotions become stronger.

So, Where you can get your vision?

You can have as many visions of your future as you can have many goals in life. Goals can arise out of an urgent need, a concern, or a passion. It can also come from a moral conviction. When a situation causes shock or moral outrage, it can trigger a vision for something better. This is why you see some celebrities coming out of their mould and reaching out to less fortunate people while others simple stay indifferent. The vision of these humanitarian souls is to create a world where no one has to go hungry.

Not all visions require immediate action. But you can do things that prepare you for the time when you need to act on your vision. For example, if you want to have financial freedom when you retire from your job, you need to discover what interests you may have outside of work from which you can derive income someday.

Remember, look inside your heart and discover what moves you, concerns you, makes you angry or makes you want to rise above and stand tall. All these are causes around which you can build your vision.

Today is often referred to as the Age of Information as access to knowledge is easier than ever. Many books on self improvement are known bestsellers while motivational resources are readily available in various media, such as television, newspapers, magazines and the internet, oftentimes for free. While the secret to attaining prosperity has been revealed and discussed by many wealth creation authors, you still see many people leading their lives as before, some even going on a downward spiral!

So what then causes many people to fail in spite of all the principles of prosperity being taught to them? The problem with most people, is their habit of procrastination.

Successful people attribute their achievements to doing the right thing while being at the right place and right time. On the other hand, the ones who fail are those who wait too long before they do something about their situation or get help for it. I had a friend who put off visiting a specialist only to find out later that he not only had prostate cancer but that the cancer had spread as well to other parts of his body. By the time my friend sought the help of a specialist, it was already too late. Its a pretty devastating example of procrastination and I hope it can motivate all of you to get up and take action in the areas of your life that need it.

The element of timing not only applies to your health, but to your finances, happiness, job and relationship as well. People who put off saving for the future often end in bankruptcy or debt. An unhappy marriage that is left untended often leads to divorce. Similarly, those who continuously postpone pursuing their passions end up with regret when they are old.

For every problem, there is a solution. While it may be possible for you not to know the appropriate solution for your situation, bear in mind that others do. There are specialists, experts and those who have dealt with a similar issue with success.

You can turn to professionals like doctors, accountants, lawyers, coaches and consultants for proper advice. Timing also matters when seeking advice. The sooner you ask for assistance, the greater are your chances of resolving your problem or reaching your goals.

Time stops for no one, nor can it be reversed. For every second that you spend not doing what you are supposed to do, you pull yourself further away from your goal, or worse, make things more difficult to address later on.

Remember – go to the right people for advice and to take action while your problems are small.

There is an abundance of wealth in the world and more than enough for everyone. If you seem to be far from attaining success financially, then you may be doing some things which do not bring you closer to your goals. The key to having a prosperous life is to make changes, starting with your mind.

Results come as a matter of course from an action or inaction. You reap what you sow; for every action there is a corresponding reaction. If maintaining your day job is not making you any richer after five years of slaving behind a desk, then it will not make you a millionaire as well after ten more years. The principle applies in other aspects of your life such as health and relationships. You can’t expect to have a slimmer body if you eat greasy burgers and fries everyday or have a rewarding relationship if you keep making the same mistakes with your partner. The only way to get what you want out of life is to make changes where you need them.

Everything starts with a thought, your attitude, your mindset. If you have a negative outlook or a limited view of what you are capable of achieving, then the effort that you exert in whatever you do will most likely be limited as well. Achievers go the extra mile regardless of the results. Those who dare and go beyond their usual limits are those who often succeed. If you have hit rock bottom, you can choose to wallow in self pity and stay down there or you can tell yourself that it is time to take a different approach as the only way to go for you is up.

Most people are compelled to change because of some painful experience like bankruptcy, a job layoff, a failed marriage, or a serious illness. I am no exception to this fact, I give a lot of credit to my past pain for giving me the motivation to succeed.Its not the only reason of course; but the decision to change, while voluntary, is often triggered by a painful event.

However, it is not enough to know that you need to change your mindset as mere thoughts are useless unless accompanied by concrete action. Whatever you do, don’t wait until it’s too late to change and for those who are in pain right now, to use that pain to make a positive change!!